Your Current Self.
There have been a lot of different versions of me over the years. You know... you grow, you change, you go through some real shit and you learn from it.
On my quest to always be a better human, these are the things I've been thinking about as I continue to try and be the best version of me.
1. Always Defining Who I Am Currently:
Life got different when I started waking up in the morning knowing that I had to actively decide what I was going to do to shape my day. Where am I lacking? Where is abundance? Where is room for improvement? What is making me unhappy and what am I going to do to change it?
Did you ever really stop and think about how much more control you can take over your life when you realize that you're the only person responsible for your problems? 100% changed my life.
2. What Does Success Look Like:
I hate inspirational quotes... like, I truly hate them... however, if there's one that has stuck over the years (bleh) it's that one where it talks about how people just remember how you treated them.
My version of success used to revolve around work and numbers, those measurements were how I gauged growth and achievement. But that was the shit that was robbing me blind when it came to happiness. Right now, my success is based solely on how hard I try to be good to the people I care about and how to be strong, giving, thoughtful, patient, loyal, helpful and passionate in my relationships.
Before I realized that this is what my best version of self looks like, this wasn't a priority for me. But now the achievement that matters most to me is that I leave people better than when I found them.
3. Choosing When To Pay Attention To Mind Chatter:
If there were a gold medal for obsessing over thoughts and worrying about stupid things I've said and I've done then I would be standing on top the Olympic Podium every 4 years BEAMING like a real champion.
My odyssey of self-awareness has gone off-roading like one thousand times in my life and that basically means that my mishaps or my bad actions have had an actual FIELD DAY in my brain. It's been a punishment that is beyond comprehension and the remorse I feel for situations that I don't feel good about has followed me for years.
BUT- it's been easier to forgive myself for those times because I'm learning to conquer the mind chatter. Mind chatter can be debilitating until you learn how to reason with it. Reasoning with these thoughts and taking action to correct whatever you feel was your bad behavior is empowering... and also apologizing if you were an asshole. If you did something wrong, own up to it, communicate, hope that whoever you're apologizing to offers you grace and forgiveness and then move and do better- that's all you can do. Don't punish yourself for years over things that are in the past. That's where your anxiety lives. That's what's keeping you from having a good day. That's what's keeping you up and night and that's what is truly going to rob you from the good that's swirling around you.
4. FIGHTING FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY:
The hardest part about fighting to be the best version of you is ABSOLUTELY the fact that the bad version of you is going to literally CLAW it's way back and you have to do some Captain Universe type shit to knock it off a cliff and watch it fall to its death! Every day old habits creep up but when you know what to look for, you know how to fix it. And this is where you find the outlet: punching stuff, screaming in your car, writing it down, talking to friends, seeing a therapist- whatever the channel and wherever the escape, you need it because that's how that old version is going to d-i-e.
5. Constant Correction:
It's like a diet, right? You do so well, and things are so good, and then someone is like "oh hey, here's a bunch of candy that I know you like and can't resist"... so maybe you eat a piece of the candy and then you feel gross as hell. It's in your system, your body is not used to it and you totally regret going for the short term pleasure because now you're paying long term pain. Your BEST version of you is definitely going to slip up from time to time because we're human and we're flawed so constant correction is just what you do to get back on track and feel good about the next time where you say 'pass' on the king sized snickers.
I'm starting to get into a busy season at work. Overall, I'm doing everything I can right now to be prepared and be good for the people around me. I've been working on my health, my fitness, my good habits and my relationships. I hope this is evident to the people around me who I care about and who are supporting me. As always, thanks for growing with me <3